What just happened? My Boss Jumped the Shark?

Tonight I don't feel so wise.  I came home feeling down and somewhat insulted.  These are feelings that I do have some control over.

Earlier today about 4:30 PM my boss poked her head in my office door. With some that is a good experience. With this current boss, not so much.

She gave me that clarion call to her office kind of like an Elk bugle and a zombie stampede.  In there was our  on site HR guy. Of the two of them I would much rather see him.

The conversation covered much mundane stuff which really I don't feel is important to the story, other to say it was demeaning.  The topic of course was "you suck" and the criticisms kept coming and coming and coming.  I defended what little alibi I had. There is not really an alibi against accusations that most people will never hear of in their lives.

Password entries was one goal to be measured. Another one was asking for help when I didn't know the answer.

No antecedents were offered to the accusations. Just criticisms. At the end I asked "there must have been something I have done right." The HR guy said "Your getting here on time has improved."

Yeah, oh boy!  I went back to my office and shut the door.

I sat and pondered the silly to somewhat justifiable goal list to avoid getting fired.

Then I began to write an email. First to my colleagues asking them for their honest input of my work. All bcc because of confidentiality stuff.

Then I finally wrote to my boss and cc the HR guy.  I offered up my own rebuttal. It was professional, but to the point on several issues.  The two of us will most likely collide over the content. But I am glad I wrote it.

Sometimes writing your boss in an email after silly talks to serious ones is very important. Communication is key to job survival. As I pointed out to a friend I vented to if you don't let your feelings be known and establish proper boundaries, you are bound to get hurt.

Bosses have to be kept in check as much as coworkers.  When they cross the mark, they have to be respectfully and forwardly put back on their side of the line.  Failure to communicate will lead to at the very least more problems and at the most going postal. Most of us will fall way between these extremes.

I spend 2 hours carefully selecting the written words. Taking out as much emotion as I could to keep the tone business like.  But nonetheless keeping it to myself was going to eat at me.

So I employed one of Dr. Abraham Low's methods. I expressed myself in a "cultured" manner.

Now I wait and see the results.  Yes it is always a risk telling your authority figure to back down and offer criticism that is deserved back to them. But so is doing something stupid by stuffing it in.

Tomorrow the results of the email will be read. What happens next I hope does not happen.

Now a few tips I have learned from this exercise in what seems futility.

First, Establish firmly what boundaries are expected and why they were crossed. Second, make sure that counter criticism is not demeaning or insulting. Make sure it does not whitewash the truth either. State the facts as you see them. No more and no less.

Third if human resources is ever involved then cc them so that it does not turn into boss vs employee. Chances are you'll lose if you're not the boss.

Fourth make sure you document the areas the boss has let you know are subpar and reasonable. If your boss can follow the "paper trail" then show him/her that you can create one in your own defense.

Fifth is that nobody should be bullied. Bosses like other bullies feed off of your fear and uncertainty of how to deal with them. Bosses that engage in power bossing, being overcritical of your work, vague about antecedents that precipitate their actions on you, or they must be "right" even if they are dead wrong.

Sixth for each incident of interaction with your boss, leave a note somewhere of the date, time, and nature of the discussion.

Seventh is if your boss sees weakness, they will most likely try to turn it against you. But if you are strong, they will modify their approach and/or back down.

Eighth is that employment is a two way street. Your boss needs to be reminded that you can go elsewhere and not return. That power they wield is not too good outside their sphere of influence. Don't be flippant or exaggerate. Just let them know that you have begun to consider all your options concerning the employment  relationship.

A person really needs to be wise when picking and choosing battles. The workplace is no exception. This is especially true of management.  Your boss can set you up with broad and very loose goals that you might not be able to obtain. If you take on your boss keep respect and objective wording to them. Emotions unchecked can be hard to recover from bad karma in a job situation.

Ninth, Don't stay where abusive relationships exist. Bide your time and bolt. Never be direct about quitting unless you are that sure that you can incur possible maladaptive behaviors. Keep your cards close to you and continue working in your present employment up to the last day.

Tenth is that you remember forgiveness is for healing you or the "inner vessel" before cleaning the "outward vessel" may save you eating crow. It sucks to tell someone you forgave them only if in the part.

Everybody will face the school yard, peer member, bad comment by an uncle you see twice on Facebook in six months. Will you give or takeaway their power? That is the final answer for now.