Looking Forward, Looking Back

It truly has been a long time since I blogged. I figure it is time that I start up again, because its one of those things I do best.

Tonight I have had a lot of thinking going on in my brain. This is normal, but tonight has been exceptionally rare and the volume of thought very high.

I have had two of the most challenging years that I have ever had. I have been up and down, on roller coasters, hiked deserts, hiked mountains, been on islands, and floored my car out on the Bonneville Salt Flats at 110 MPH.

And it is getting late to call 2014 a New Year, but now is the beginning, not January 1.  In my associations with many people I have met those who are stuck in their past, some that are forward thinking, some who have no direction whatsoever, those in and out of trouble, the optimist and the pessimist.  Most people could be somewhere in the middle, as could I.

I remember my ex wife saying that I was always on the computer, and this is true. Now aside from the devil incarnate Facebook and work I don't do much of anything with the computer. The irony in that.

What I have learned about myself is that I seem to walk a lonely road. Not by fate or by my own design. It just seems to have been my journey in life.  Maybe its to help others, maybe its to learn some cosmic lesson. I have friends and family, but I still have walked alone.  I have been in crowded rooms and yet I might have well been there alone.

I have a good friend who is a real sweetheart, and that is because she is.  She has helped me out, when she too has walked this lonely road. I find it amazing that someone who has been through so much, still can offer a smile and a kind word.  She even has opened up to me, which I thought was an accomplishment.

The reason I bring her situation up is because she is so wanting to move forward, but being held back by her own troubles.  We all are in that boat. I know that I am. What does moving forward mean? What does living in the past mean? What does living in the present mean? What about looking forward with hope, learning from the past, but not living it, living in the present as if this were the only time to appreciate what we have?

I hope my friend somehow sees this blog entry as do others. I have another friend who has never looked back except to learn. He is like a brother to me.  I look to him to emulate the father I want to be to my children.  He is always a forward thinker, nostalgic at times, but still lives for today. He has his flaws and imperfections, yet he lives each day as a new day.  I pray that I can have that attitude for myself and of myself.

I wish that for my friend as she moves forward with so much to give and see that walls smother you, they don't help you. I have my own walls, most are not good defenses, rather obstacles to my well being.

As I begin this blog I hope to have the large readership I once did while taking it in a futuristic direction. It will be nice to build it up and see what creations come out of my mind in all its dysfunctional glory.

Its good to be back again and moving on, even with vines all over the trail that need cutting through. Its good to be alive and feel than not feel. Its good to be!